Cho's life in a nutshell

it hurts

2007-07-08T12:56:43Z

The more and more i think about it the more i know that i am hurting and really trying to just throw myself into anything and everything to get away and forget the pain. I have thrown myself into my work school and friends and it still kills me ever so slowly.
I know that i can stop doing what i am doing, stop talking to her but that takes a will power that i don't have and it's not like that is what i really want. She is my friend and i hope that it will always be like that because without her i really wouldn't be able to continue on, i never would have made it as far as i have or changed as much as i have. I owe her so much.
But it really does hurt like a knife in my heart and i know that it is corny for me to say something like that but really it physically hurts every time that I talk to her and even when i don't talk to her the pain is just as bad. I think that i may go insane i have let myself go to far and in the end believe that perhaps my heart is safer when i lock it away. I think that i will never love again because i can't take the beating i really cannot do it again.
So i am taking myself off the market for good and going to buy a really big house and have a lot of cats because that is the only thing that i can see myself doing because she is no longer here with me and i dare not ask her to take me back again.
I love her and always will and will forever beat myself up for letting go of the one stable, the one beautiful thing that i ever had, the one and only love of my life.

Happy

2007-06-28T15:08:47Z

I think that i am spoiled... for the last two days i have been living off of Green tea, Green tea ice cream, and aloe water (which kicks some serious ass)all this among other things... oh well it makes me happy and is cheep

irishkaoru @ 2007-06-28T00:12:00

2007-06-27T15:13:43Z

and as an after thought i want to start dancing again T_T ( i think that watching all that pricess tutu is getting to me LOL)

irishkaoru @ 2007-06-28T00:00:00

2007-06-27T15:10:08Z

I only have one thing to say... I LOVE KOREA BECAUSE I CAN HAVE ALL THE GREEN TEA & GREEN TEA ICE CREAM THAT I CAN HANDLE.
it made me a very happy person when i got off the metro today and was able to stop at a local shop and gor some of the best damn green tea ice cream i have ever had ^_^
I finaly got the chance to go off post tonight (although i skiped half of my korean class so that i could) it was a lot of fun. I went to this bar called the mix bar. Although i didn't drink (or did i muahahahahaha) i had fun. After that we stoped and got some food from a stand on the road side. it's funny that that is some of the best food i have had since i came to korea i have gotten on a stand on the side of the road LOL.
Other than that i have had a good time thus far. I am going to see a concert this weekend with a few friends of mine so that should be cool. ^_^ I am working on getting some pic developed and uploaded on my myspace so that i can show what i have been doing. It will include a trip to the DMZ, Seoul Tower, and a field trip that i took... well will be taking next weekend, with my korean class.
everything is good here i guess is todays summery

irishkaoru @ 2007-06-26T23:02:00

2007-06-26T14:09:53Z

well i really don't know how i managed it but i have survived another day. I had to work for 24 straight hours yesterday so i am still exhausted to the point that i feel like i am going to pass out but still can't fall asleep. I hate it when that happens. So i have been up watching Princes tutu for like 3 hours.
I am off of my extra duty shit that i had to do so i am back to being a regular solider finally. I can't wait to get off post. One of my friends said that he found a place that sells american books in Seoul so i think that i will have to go there. Although this will be on Sunday because i have another 24 hour shift that i have to work on Friday-Saturday. Meh X_X!

oh god the pain part 2

2007-06-24T23:36:42Z

It's is 8:30 AM and already today i have ran 7 miles and some change and cussed out two srgs.... today it going to be a beautiful day O_o

nothing in particular

2007-06-24T15:25:29Z

There is really not to much that is going on for once. Other than the fact that i had to work on a Sunday from 9-9 but i guess that that cannot be helped. After three weeks of straight work... that's 21 days... or 504 hours... or 30240 mins of work without a day off i can finally say that i will be off this weekend and hopefully several weekends after that.
Class is driving me insane... i have a test that i know i should be doing but it is late and i cannot think straight at this moment so i decided to leave it for tomorrow... i did that without thinking that it will be Monday and that means PT @ 0600 in the morning... therefor i will be up at 0330 to get it done and with any luck i will.
blah that is all ^_^...
SUMMERY: weekend off finally and a test that is not done and due soon!

irishkaoru @ 2007-06-23T23:08:00

2007-06-23T14:09:23Z

So Kitty told me that i should take a look for some anime while i am in Korea and i have been doing just that... alas i have yet to really find anything. I have however started to work on downloading the list of anime that she gave me and am very very very happy... did i mention that i was was very happy.
I got addicted right away to Rozen Maiden and had to watch both seasons and the OVA 2 times. The opening to the first two seasons were also so catchy that i had to go and download them to my computer... well that and 31 hours worth of J rock.
Oh BTW i finally got a desktop in my room so i have been downloading like a fiend... music, movies, tv shows, anime, even manga, you name it i am most likely in the process of downloading it right now LOL.
wow i think i have a problem and need to seek professional help XD

Oh God The Pain

2007-06-22T06:06:07Z

I just got back from the dentist and although my mouth is still a little numb i can already feel the pain. :( it hurts.
i miss all yah back at home and hope that i can talk to you soon. Drop me a line at my e-mail address or something of that nature with your phone number and i will be able to call you because i finally got skype (on-line phone service)
Schoo is going really well so far. other than the fact that i am three weeks into the class and the books that i need for class are still somewhere in the mail and not here yet. It is making homework a little hard. And from time to time my speach is f*cked up because i am taking Korean and Japanese and am confusing the two as far as sounds are conserned.
I have a cist that is on my right wrist so i can't write with my right hand (thus meaning that i am right handed) but on the plus side i have learned how to write hongule with my left hand... LOL watch after i have my surgery i will not be able to write it with my right hand. I guess that all i will have to do is learn how to write Japanese with my right foor and then chinese with my left foot. LOL.

in korea now

2007-05-24T13:58:13Z

I have safely made it to the land of the moring calm and have been here for a week and a half. Life sucks, i can't drink, can't go off post, and of course have had more time on my hands than i know what to do with. On the plus side though there is some weather... not just sun and wind but sun wind rain clouds and cool weather... that's right it is not in the 90's ever fucking day!
anyway this is the contact info for anyone who gives a damn which is feeling like less and less every day
e-mail cho12801@yahoo.com
mailing address:
PFC Harris, Ashley L.
51st 1-7 ADA
APO, AP 96275
box 1211

I am alive

2007-02-27T15:06:35Z

Just to let eveyone know i am alive even though i feel like i am not. ir is nothing but field problem after field problem NBC training and a LOT of paperwork that needs to get filed so i have been very very busy and have had little time to myself and the time that i do have is spent sleeping.
for those people who have tried to call me i am sorry but my phone bill hasn't been payed so i haven't had any service for a while, although i am always on aim an yahoo even when i am not her.... which is most of the time. :( anyway i miss you all and will miss you even more when i go to Korea and have even less time to myself than i do now *sob*

in El Paso

2006-11-12T01:33:47Z

So i am in El Paso like i told most of you i would be. With some good news too... I thought that i would be going to Korea but in the end i ended up switching units so i am staying state side...... for now no deployment for ashley ^_^ woot woot. Anyway that is all that i wanted to say other than the fact that i miss home and wish i was there not here regaurdless of the fact that the weather is nice enought that i can walk outside with a tanktop on and shorts. !!!!!
I WANNA BE HOME.
and if you want to get in contact with me my # is (573)452-9492 ^_^
ja

irishkaoru @ 2006-11-03T15:19:00

2006-11-03T20:19:45Z

As my time here at home draws to an end and i am forced to look back on everything that i have done and how things are before i leave for another two months i can't help but feel that everything is a lot different than it was before i left. I don't like how most of it has changed in in fact i am not sure if i like the person that i have become.
I don't want to say things that hurt people but i tend to do that more often than not. I noticed that i don't act the same way that i use to. I always worry about how people are looking at me... something that i have never worried about before. It is odd. Why do i feel like this now. I think that i am a different person who is trying to be the person that i was before i left and i know that it is not going to work.
I am really worried about how my being in the military is going to effect the relationships that i have with almost everyone around me. I am in short scared. scared and very lost!

me = pathetic

2006-11-01T17:38:49Z

i can't believe it. How does something like this happen? how can i be so damn absent minded that the one month that i look forward to more than any other month starts and i was not in front of my computer writing my novel. HOW COULD I FORGET NANOWRIMO?!?!?!?!?! *dies*

this is a generic message

2006-10-31T15:52:18Z

Happy Halloween to one and all

6 words post

2006-10-29T16:08:34Z

I'm home and i'm loving it ^_~

at the airport.

2006-10-24T19:20:42Z

so i am completely board out of my mind. i am sitting here at the local air port which although is huge as hell has nothing of interest for me ;_; i am on my way home though so it is all good. assuming that the rest of my trip is nothing like the start of my trip which includes lugging around about 125 lbs of shit. Then again i have my enter life packed up in a few bags. lucky for me that the airlines have a heavy bag waiver for people in the active army otherwise i would be completely screwed!!!!
i was checking in my baggage at the counter and they told me that there was a 50 lb weight limit. Well i knew that i would be screwed because one of my bags is like 70 lbs. I asked the lady if there was anything that i could do because i was going to have to pay 80 dollars that i defiantly do not have to get them to put the damn thing on the plane. it wasn't until she asked to see id and pulled out my military id that she became all nice and said that she could help me. This was of course after the shuttle dropped me off on the wrong side of the airport and i had to find my way to the counter, i ripped my bag along the way so i was worried that things would fall out AND i get plauged by people wanting the 4 or 5 dollars that i do have with me.
Thank God for USOs if it wasn't for them i would be in tears by now. At least i am around only USO staff and army personal for the most part now. Free food, x-box, x-box 360, free internet, TV, free books, music and just about anything else you can think of. I must say that being in the military has its perks from time to time. A good way to pass the hours spent here at least. I just hope that the other airport has one also because i have a 3 hour lay over ;_;.
in closing let me say this
I LOVE NY!
ja

irishkaoru @ 2006-10-21T09:26:00

2006-10-21T14:47:06Z

OMFG i think i am dreaming. On monday i get to go and buy the ticket that will get me home ^_^ although i must say that the days seem to be going by so slow now that i got my orders and know that i am going to be able to go home. I leave on the 24th and don't have to report into my unit until midnight on November the 5th!!!!!!
for anyone reading this that will see me when i come home i am sorry if i appear to be a little more hyper active than normal. it had been forever since i got the chance to come home as you all know and already i am acting a little more how shall we put it, energetic than usual.

other than that is not a lot to say seeing as how i posted a few days ago ^_^; but then again not a lot happens when you are a holdover anyway. all i know is that i am sooooooo fucking luck that i will get paid before i have to report in to ft. Bliss because i defiantly wouldn't have the money to pay for a ticket to Texas then i would be considered awol... then again i may get hog tied when i am home and not be able to leave or perhaps in the long run i might find running from the law a good challenge and be awol either way... then again maybe not i really don't think they let you have passes when you are in military prison for abandonmen.

OMFG i am comming home bitches ^____^

2006-10-20T01:04:08Z

ok so it has been an awsome day to say the least regaurdless of the fact that i had a migrane that made me want to put an ax in my head because i was sure that the pain from that would be far less then my actual headache...
ok first off a word of advice for the wise... NEVER and i mean NEVER bring yaoi manga onto a military base, especially if it has sex involved... which i believe yaoi needs to have. Anyway so my drill srg. took the book from me and tried to get me punished for having inappropriate content in the book of a homosexual nature. LMFAO... might i say the main word in that sentence is TRIED! as it turns out my lawer said that there was no porn involved because it did not clearly show a penis LOL. my first srg. drill srg. and well in sort everyone but me is pissed about it.
So for anyone who wants to see me i am going to be home on tuesday till the following friday... and plan on getting trashed at least one of those days.

HELP WANTED AD:
WANTED: A GOOD BAR TENDER OR PERSON WITH KNOWLAGE OF SAID SUBSTANCE
QUALIFICATIONS: GOOD AT GETTING PEOPLE COMPLEATLY WASTED IN A SHORT TIME PERIOD.
ADDITIONAL: NO APPLICATION NEEDED JUST BRING THE GOODS AND HAVE AN INTERVIEW
CONTACT: ASHLEY-LANE FOR FURTHER DETAILS OR POST BELOW

irishkaoru @ 2006-10-07T19:41:00

2006-10-08T00:53:49Z

Leave a list of fictional characters in your journal that you would love to get a message from. It is your friend-list's mission, should they choose to accept it, to write you an in-character "letter" from a character on that list. Then they post their own list in their journal and the process continues!

1> Satoshi (D N Angel)
2> Hisoka (Yami no Matsuei)
3> Fuji (Prince of Tennis)
4> Kurama (yyh)
5> Ryo (FAKE)
6> Roy (FMA)
7> Ed (FMA)
6> Dark (D N Angel)
7> Krad (just for the hell of it D N Angel)

irishkaoru @ 2006-10-07T19:24:00

2006-10-08T00:42:30Z

Ok so i am supper mega ultra never been happier happy. (well i have been happier but that is not the point ^_^) After spending about 7 months and one week in hell i am finallly going to be done with all of my army training and become a productive member of the united states army. God it was only suppose to take 19 weeks but here i am 27 or 28 weeks later HA HA well that is i can say that i have made it as long as i can hold on to any trace of sanity that i have left in the next 10 days... well it is more like 9 days and a wake up by now.
i graduate on the 18th of october and i leave for fort bliss texas on the 19th if all goes well. I still have some paperwork that i may be waiting on so i amy have to stay a little longer but hopefully that is not the case!!!

i think that i am going mad!!!!

2006-10-01T13:41:31Z

So i am not sure if i have the to be mad or what not but i am at the least pissed off a little. Acttualy that is not 100% true i am pissed and a little hurt.
so it starts like this on Wednesday i called my gf just to talk and all that jazz. well i know that i have been calling her a lot lately because i have been so damn stressed lately that i can't help but need to talk to someone and she just seemed like the right person to talk to. Not that i couldn't talk to anyone else about it but she seemes to tell me all the things that i need to hear when i need to hear it. So sue me i talk to her a lot but i am so damn far away from all the things that i know and love and have been for the last 6 months. AND IT'S NOT LIKE I AM GOING TO GET TO COME HOME ANY TIME SOON EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well because i know that i have been calling her a lot i thought that i would at least start asking her when she would like me to call er next... i thought that she couldn't get mad at me that way. ANYWAY... so she told me that she was busy until Tuesday. the only problem with that is that i am not going to be anywhere near a phone or anything in this so called civil life style because i will be in the woods camping in the fucking freezing ass cold!!
sorry a little off subject there O_o; but anyway she had a trip to the bronx zoo yesterday and i thought that i would call with my only intentions to leave a message saying that i hope she had fun and that she got back home safe. But as luck would have it she picked up the phone apperently she had gotten home like 15 mins. before i made the phone call. So we talked about the trip for a little while and then she tells me (not exactly like this but this was a summerised version) that i call to much.
Well that pissed me the fuck off consitereing the fact that i wasn't trying to talk to her last night anyway i just wanted to leave her a message saying 'hope you had a safe trip'.
now people who know me know that every conversation i have involves one or more of the following words... Melissa, Sha, or Mel. it's just that everything reminds me of her especially lately. so her saying something like that to me even though it is small kinda hurts. now the other thing that has me pissed off is the fact that i know i am the only one that was upset at all by what happened even thought i kinda hung up on her last night. I can tell you all for a fact that she brushed it off and that was that. Sometimes i wish i had that ability because perhaps i would have gotten a good nights sleep last night. Perhaps i wouldn't have been a bitch to everyone who asked me what was wrong today or yesterday, perhaps i would feel better after this seeminglly useless post.
perhaps she doesn't understand that the only reason that i call her as often as i call her is only because i need to talk to someone who will listen to everything that is going on with me. i am so stressed and 9 times out of 10 i am able to get over it by talking to her.
anyway i am getting kicked off.... love you all and sha if you read this then call me when you feel like talking to me daisuki

GAHHHHHH

2006-06-13T23:28:27Z

so i am really nervous i find out on Friday if i can go back to training or if i am stuck in rehab for another month. it's kinda a little scary because i think if i don't get to go home soon i will die or go crazy. i really want to go home to see everyone. I miss everything about life back in New York.
One thing that is making it a little harder on me is the fact that i am not talking to my mother at the moment because she wants to be a selfish bitch and tell me that i had better not come back home when i am done with training because there will be nothing for me here at all. where the hell does she get off telling me that bull shit? sometimes i wish i was home so that i could just stand up for myself to her for once. Oh well there is not a lot that i can do about anything while i am here.
Anyway wish me luck at my Physical Therapy Appointment on Friday. I have to get back to the unit before i get in trouble so ja-ne minna
Irish Kaoru

I'M ALIVE

2006-06-10T23:26:55Z

why ello great people of the internet world. this is me the great Ashley, Cho, or Ley depending on where you know me from and if you don't know me all that well then you know that it is I irishkaoru back from the dead. Well at least something like that. I am in Basic Training for the army right now for thoes of you who didn't know. it is a lot of fun but nor as much fun as i had hoped it would be. Then again it's no where near as bad as i thought it would be either.
i have done a lot of stuff that i never thought i would do like throw 2 live gernades and fire my M16A2 and a rocket launcher and SAW. it was a lot of fun. i also learned that regaurdles of what i thought before i really am scared of falling from high places but i conquered my fear and repelled off of a 40 foot wall with nothing more than a rope around my ass.
Other than that there is not to much to say. i am out of training for a little while because i hurt my shoulder but i am healing so i should be back to training within a month. hopefully i will graduate before thanksgiving and if not that soon christmas.
so i want to hear from ya'll so let me know what your up to. if you want my address to write or my # to call leave me a message. I'll let ya know depending on how well i know you ^_~
ja-ne

love letter

2006-02-13T07:17:26Z

The clean version


	Dear Cupid, This year, I've had my ups and downs in the love department.
I sang a love song to Crazylfgrd but they lost their life long love of music. Princeneptune and I had a sexy mud fight and I was victorious. Deranged-dancer gave me a kiss but I think they were drunk at the time.
So, as you can see, it's been a hectic year. Can you please make Insilverflames fall in love with me this Valentine's day? Sincerely, irishkaoru

Take this Quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
( or, take the 'adult' version at QuizUniverse.com )

the not so clean version


	Dear Cupid, This year, I've had my ups and downs in the love department.
Screwpretending and I used breath mints as an aphrodisiac. I slept with Karwyn and all I got was this lousy meme. Deranged-dancer left a huge flaming vagina on my yard American Beauty style.
So as you can see it's been a hectic year. Can you please make Insilverflames hook up with me this Valentine's day? Sincerely, irishkaoru

Take this Quiz at QuizUniverse.com
( or, take the 'clean' version at QuizGalaxy.com )

note to paula: why does cupid have me ending up with you both times LOL