| it hurts |
[July 8th, 2007 9:14pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
] |
The more and more i think about it the more i know that i am hurting and really trying to just throw myself into anything and everything to get away and forget the pain. I have thrown myself into my work school and friends and it still kills me ever so slowly.
I know that i can stop doing what i am doing, stop talking to her but that takes a will power that i don't have and it's not like that is what i really want. She is my friend and i hope that it will always be like that because without her i really wouldn't be able to continue on, i never would have made it as far as i have or changed as much as i have. I owe her so much.
But it really does hurt like a knife in my heart and i know that it is corny for me to say something like that but really it physically hurts every time that I talk to her and even when i don't talk to her the pain is just as bad. I think that i may go insane i have let myself go to far and in the end believe that perhaps my heart is safer when i lock it away. I think that i will never love again because i can't take the beating i really cannot do it again.
So i am taking myself off the market for good and going to buy a really big house and have a lot of cats because that is the only thing that i can see myself doing because she is no longer here with me and i dare not ask her to take me back again.
I love her and always will and will forever beat myself up for letting go of the one stable, the one beautiful thing that i ever had, the one and only love of my life.
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| Happy |
[June 29th, 2007 12:06am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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I think that i am spoiled... for the last two days i have been living off of Green tea, Green tea ice cream, and aloe water (which kicks some serious ass)all this among other things... oh well it makes me happy and is cheep
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[June 28th, 2007 12:12am] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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and as an after thought i want to start dancing again T_T ( i think that watching all that pricess tutu is getting to me LOL)
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[June 28th, 2007 12:00am] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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I only have one thing to say... I LOVE KOREA BECAUSE I CAN HAVE ALL THE GREEN TEA & GREEN TEA ICE CREAM THAT I CAN HANDLE.
it made me a very happy person when i got off the metro today and was able to stop at a local shop and gor some of the best damn green tea ice cream i have ever had ^_^
I finaly got the chance to go off post tonight (although i skiped half of my korean class so that i could) it was a lot of fun. I went to this bar called the mix bar. Although i didn't drink (or did i muahahahahaha) i had fun. After that we stoped and got some food from a stand on the road side. it's funny that that is some of the best food i have had since i came to korea i have gotten on a stand on the side of the road LOL.
Other than that i have had a good time thus far. I am going to see a concert this weekend with a few friends of mine so that should be cool. ^_^ I am working on getting some pic developed and uploaded on my myspace so that i can show what i have been doing. It will include a trip to the DMZ, Seoul Tower, and a field trip that i took... well will be taking next weekend, with my korean class.
everything is good here i guess is todays summery
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[June 26th, 2007 11:02pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
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music |
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Butterfly (DDR) |
] |
well i really don't know how i managed it but i have survived another day. I had to work for 24 straight hours yesterday so i am still exhausted to the point that i feel like i am going to pass out but still can't fall asleep. I hate it when that happens. So i have been up watching Princes tutu for like 3 hours.
I am off of my extra duty shit that i had to do so i am back to being a regular solider finally. I can't wait to get off post. One of my friends said that he found a place that sells american books in Seoul so i think that i will have to go there. Although this will be on Sunday because i have another 24 hour shift that i have to work on Friday-Saturday. Meh X_X!
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| oh god the pain part 2 |
[June 25th, 2007 8:33am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
It's is 8:30 AM and already today i have ran 7 miles and some change and cussed out two srgs.... today it going to be a beautiful day O_o
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| nothing in particular |
[June 25th, 2007 12:18am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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Gothic D'espairsRay |
] |
There is really not to much that is going on for once. Other than the fact that i had to work on a Sunday from 9-9 but i guess that that cannot be helped. After three weeks of straight work... that's 21 days... or 504 hours... or 30240 mins of work without a day off i can finally say that i will be off this weekend and hopefully several weekends after that.
Class is driving me insane... i have a test that i know i should be doing but it is late and i cannot think straight at this moment so i decided to leave it for tomorrow... i did that without thinking that it will be Monday and that means PT @ 0600 in the morning... therefor i will be up at 0330 to get it done and with any luck i will.
blah that is all ^_^...
SUMMERY: weekend off finally and a test that is not done and due soon!
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[June 23rd, 2007 11:08pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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seishoujo ryouiki |
] |
So Kitty told me that i should take a look for some anime while i am in Korea and i have been doing just that... alas i have yet to really find anything. I have however started to work on downloading the list of anime that she gave me and am very very very happy... did i mention that i was was very happy.
I got addicted right away to Rozen Maiden and had to watch both seasons and the OVA 2 times. The opening to the first two seasons were also so catchy that i had to go and download them to my computer... well that and 31 hours worth of J rock.
Oh BTW i finally got a desktop in my room so i have been downloading like a fiend... music, movies, tv shows, anime, even manga, you name it i am most likely in the process of downloading it right now LOL.
wow i think i have a problem and need to seek professional help XD
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| Oh God The Pain |
[June 22nd, 2007 6:57am] |
I just got back from the dentist and although my mouth is still a little numb i can already feel the pain. :( it hurts.
i miss all yah back at home and hope that i can talk to you soon. Drop me a line at my e-mail address or something of that nature with your phone number and i will be able to call you because i finally got skype (on-line phone service)
Schoo is going really well so far. other than the fact that i am three weeks into the class and the books that i need for class are still somewhere in the mail and not here yet. It is making homework a little hard. And from time to time my speach is f*cked up because i am taking Korean and Japanese and am confusing the two as far as sounds are conserned.
I have a cist that is on my right wrist so i can't write with my right hand (thus meaning that i am right handed) but on the plus side i have learned how to write hongule with my left hand... LOL watch after i have my surgery i will not be able to write it with my right hand. I guess that all i will have to do is learn how to write Japanese with my right foor and then chinese with my left foot. LOL.
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| in korea now |
[May 24th, 2007 10:53pm] |
I have safely made it to the land of the moring calm and have been here for a week and a half. Life sucks, i can't drink, can't go off post, and of course have had more time on my hands than i know what to do with. On the plus side though there is some weather... not just sun and wind but sun wind rain clouds and cool weather... that's right it is not in the 90's ever fucking day!
anyway this is the contact info for anyone who gives a damn which is feeling like less and less every day
e-mail cho12801@yahoo.com
mailing address:
PFC Harris, Ashley L.
51st 1-7 ADA
APO, AP 96275
box 1211
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| I am alive |
[February 27th, 2007 10:06am] |
Just to let eveyone know i am alive even though i feel like i am not. ir is nothing but field problem after field problem NBC training and a LOT of paperwork that needs to get filed so i have been very very busy and have had little time to myself and the time that i do have is spent sleeping.
for those people who have tried to call me i am sorry but my phone bill hasn't been payed so i haven't had any service for a while, although i am always on aim an yahoo even when i am not her.... which is most of the time. :( anyway i miss you all and will miss you even more when i go to Korea and have even less time to myself than i do now *sob*
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| in El Paso |
[November 11th, 2006 8:33pm] |
So i am in El Paso like i told most of you i would be. With some good news too... I thought that i would be going to Korea but in the end i ended up switching units so i am staying state side...... for now no deployment for ashley ^_^ woot woot. Anyway that is all that i wanted to say other than the fact that i miss home and wish i was there not here regaurdless of the fact that the weather is nice enought that i can walk outside with a tanktop on and shorts. !!!!!
I WANNA BE HOME.
and if you want to get in contact with me my # is (573)452-9492 ^_^
ja
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[November 3rd, 2006 3:19pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
] |
As my time here at home draws to an end and i am forced to look back on everything that i have done and how things are before i leave for another two months i can't help but feel that everything is a lot different than it was before i left. I don't like how most of it has changed in in fact i am not sure if i like the person that i have become.
I don't want to say things that hurt people but i tend to do that more often than not. I noticed that i don't act the same way that i use to. I always worry about how people are looking at me... something that i have never worried about before. It is odd. Why do i feel like this now. I think that i am a different person who is trying to be the person that i was before i left and i know that it is not going to work.
I am really worried about how my being in the military is going to effect the relationships that i have with almost everyone around me. I am in short scared. scared and very lost!
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| me = pathetic |
[November 1st, 2006 12:38pm] |
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i can't believe it. How does something like this happen? how can i be so damn absent minded that the one month that i look forward to more than any other month starts and i was not in front of my computer writing my novel. HOW COULD I FORGET NANOWRIMO?!?!?!?!?! *dies*
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| 6 words post |
[October 29th, 2006 11:08am] |
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I'm home and i'm loving it ^_~
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| at the airport. |
[October 24th, 2006 2:09pm] |
so i am completely board out of my mind. i am sitting here at the local air port which although is huge as hell has nothing of interest for me ;_; i am on my way home though so it is all good. assuming that the rest of my trip is nothing like the start of my trip which includes lugging around about 125 lbs of shit. Then again i have my enter life packed up in a few bags. lucky for me that the airlines have a heavy bag waiver for people in the active army otherwise i would be completely screwed!!!!
i was checking in my baggage at the counter and they told me that there was a 50 lb weight limit. Well i knew that i would be screwed because one of my bags is like 70 lbs. I asked the lady if there was anything that i could do because i was going to have to pay 80 dollars that i defiantly do not have to get them to put the damn thing on the plane. it wasn't until she asked to see id and pulled out my military id that she became all nice and said that she could help me. This was of course after the shuttle dropped me off on the wrong side of the airport and i had to find my way to the counter, i ripped my bag along the way so i was worried that things would fall out AND i get plauged by people wanting the 4 or 5 dollars that i do have with me.
Thank God for USOs if it wasn't for them i would be in tears by now. At least i am around only USO staff and army personal for the most part now. Free food, x-box, x-box 360, free internet, TV, free books, music and just about anything else you can think of. I must say that being in the military has its perks from time to time. A good way to pass the hours spent here at least. I just hope that the other airport has one also because i have a 3 hour lay over ;_;.
in closing let me say this
I LOVE NY!
ja
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[October 21st, 2006 9:26am] |
OMFG i think i am dreaming. On monday i get to go and buy the ticket that will get me home ^_^ although i must say that the days seem to be going by so slow now that i got my orders and know that i am going to be able to go home. I leave on the 24th and don't have to report into my unit until midnight on November the 5th!!!!!!
for anyone reading this that will see me when i come home i am sorry if i appear to be a little more hyper active than normal. it had been forever since i got the chance to come home as you all know and already i am acting a little more how shall we put it, energetic than usual.
other than that is not a lot to say seeing as how i posted a few days ago ^_^; but then again not a lot happens when you are a holdover anyway. all i know is that i am sooooooo fucking luck that i will get paid before i have to report in to ft. Bliss because i defiantly wouldn't have the money to pay for a ticket to Texas then i would be considered awol... then again i may get hog tied when i am home and not be able to leave or perhaps in the long run i might find running from the law a good challenge and be awol either way... then again maybe not i really don't think they let you have passes when you are in military prison for abandonmen.
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| OMFG i am comming home bitches ^____^ |
[October 19th, 2006 7:42pm] |
ok so it has been an awsome day to say the least regaurdless of the fact that i had a migrane that made me want to put an ax in my head because i was sure that the pain from that would be far less then my actual headache...
ok first off a word of advice for the wise... NEVER and i mean NEVER bring yaoi manga onto a military base, especially if it has sex involved... which i believe yaoi needs to have. Anyway so my drill srg. took the book from me and tried to get me punished for having inappropriate content in the book of a homosexual nature. LMFAO... might i say the main word in that sentence is TRIED! as it turns out my lawer said that there was no porn involved because it did not clearly show a penis LOL. my first srg. drill srg. and well in sort everyone but me is pissed about it.
So for anyone who wants to see me i am going to be home on tuesday till the following friday... and plan on getting trashed at least one of those days.
HELP WANTED AD:
WANTED: A GOOD BAR TENDER OR PERSON WITH KNOWLAGE OF SAID SUBSTANCE
QUALIFICATIONS: GOOD AT GETTING PEOPLE COMPLEATLY WASTED IN A SHORT TIME PERIOD.
ADDITIONAL: NO APPLICATION NEEDED JUST BRING THE GOODS AND HAVE AN INTERVIEW
CONTACT: ASHLEY-LANE FOR FURTHER DETAILS OR POST BELOW
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[October 7th, 2006 7:41pm] |
Leave a list of fictional characters in your journal that you would love to get a message from. It is your friend-list's mission, should they choose to accept it, to write you an in-character "letter" from a character on that list. Then they post their own list in their journal and the process continues!
1> Satoshi (D N Angel)
2> Hisoka (Yami no Matsuei)
3> Fuji (Prince of Tennis)
4> Kurama (yyh)
5> Ryo (FAKE)
6> Roy (FMA)
7> Ed (FMA)
6> Dark (D N Angel)
7> Krad (just for the hell of it D N Angel)
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irishkaoru's journal